I guess it helped that it was my second session working with the teachers at Bishop Henderson Church of England Primary School.  They were open and honest and working with them was a joy.  I was reminded again that, although every context is different, there are many common themes concerning what gets in the way of teachers looking after themselves. It’s always a challenge to speak openly about what we may regard as our own inadequacies when the boss is in the room, but I was very pleased that Ed (the boss) was there too, making copious notes and modelling that whatever the position in school, everyone has something to learn. He was quiet for most of the session. As often happens, we got on to the subject of choosing how we respond to situations. I stated my position: ‘no one can make you do anything’; I sensed unease in the room. Inviting a challenge, I was told ‘Ed can make us do things’. With a smile and a look of genuine surprise he responded ‘Can I?’ as though someone had just revealed to him magical powers of which he was previously unaware.

At the end of the session, it became apparent how closely he had listened to his staff’s concerns: to how they found it hard to leave things, even though they know the job is never done; how hard it is for them to leave ‘early’ (defined by them as anything over an hour-and-a-half after the end of the school day) because of feelings of guilt; how difficult it is to spend less time marking even when being encouraged to do so by the SLT; how hard it is to say ‘no’, look after yourself and ask for help. At the end of the session, he summarised the learning with 10 Ls of wellbeing. They were unique to that session and that school, yet also highlight a number of experiences which are common to all schools I work with. I share them with you with his blessing.

Ten Ls of Wellbeing – for teachers everywhere

Learn to live with the undone (after all the job will never be finished)
Live and let live (support each other in work and well-being, ‘Have a great evening!’ rather than ‘Leaving early?’ will be so positive to hear)
Leaving buddies (walking out with a friend may make that ‘early’, end of day, departure easier)
Limiting time for tasks helps to create focus (we can achieve more in less time, leading to more time to do less – or different)
Lists (help us when we can prioritise the content and act on it, including the dull things we may choose to avoid)
Let’s say ‘No!’ (sometimes we have to be sensible with what we take-on for others)
Learn something new (maybe a skill, maybe about yourself, maybe to do something differently)
Look for support (before you need it, because it will help you and it can encourage and empower others too)
Look after yourself (because you are worth it and others will benefit)
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, the fruit of the Spirit – our values – let’s live them.

Changing the habits of a lifetime is tough and we will often fail. With support from those around us (and especially leaders who model behaviour they want to see in others) we can change the culture where working hard and working long are regarded as synonymous.

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How many of us make a point of noting the good things that happen daily?  Often we dwell on the mistakes we’ve made,  the challenging conversations, or the difficult encounters.   No wonder we can sometimes feel as though the job is tough and we’re never enough.  We hang on to bad memories much more easily than good ones, because in evolutionary terms they were there to ensure our survival.   Memories of things which threaten our survival help us to avoid putting ourselves in harm’s way in the future (which, incidentally, is why it’s hard to approach with an open mind someone who has caused us hurt in the past).  Fear kept our ancestors safe.

One of the things that undermines our resilience is the sense of powerlessness: that we can’t affect what’s going on around us.  Here’s my challenge for #MemoryMarch: every day write down something positive that happened today which you had a hand in: a student who thanked you; a light-bulb moment for a child in your class; a grateful parent; a difficult meeting handled well.

At the end of the week review your list and remind yourself that every day, you make a difference.

The post #MemoryMarch first appeared on Chrysalis Leadership Development.

Dear Vicki Davis (aka The CoolCatTeacher)

I’ve only just found your blog If I’m such a great teacher, why do I want to quit?   I’m sorry to be slow.  It took a long time to cross the pond.  I will now join the 100,000 followers.  I heard your cry and I want to tell you – like lots of your followers:  I’ve listened.   You and they know you’re not alone.  In fact, feeling as you were last April might even be normal.

Just because it’s normal, doesn’t mean it’s how it should be.

I don’t teach in a school.  I work with teachers – and more often school leaders. Sometimes standing on the touch-line allows me to see more of the game.  What I see is that schools are full of people who invest not just time and energy in teaching, they invest themselves, too.  They may not be perfectionists (and if they are, they will certainly be heading for burnout) but they live in a world where nothing is ever enough.  Scarcity breeds fear.   Fear gets in the way of becoming our best selves.  Helping someone else to realise their potential at the expense of your own is a poor choice, and when society demands that of us we need to say ‘no’.

I’ve just read your 12 Choices to help you step back from burnout.  It’s great.   Keep choosing to do the things that help you to stay healthy. But I want to say when we are exhausted, we lose the power to choose.  When we’re exhausted, we have no energy.  We need as much energy to stop doing something as we do to start.  So if we have no energy, and no power to choose – no ability to be our own advocate – we’re likely to get stuck on automatic pilot when actually, maybe what we need to do is to land the plane and take a short vacation.  Maybe you don’t need to quit.  What would happen if you pulled into a layby and thought about yourself?  What would happen if, instead of focusing so hard on helping others, you focused on helping yourself when you need it?

Then we get on to core beliefs …  How does this sit with your core beliefs and values?  How far do you value your own intrinsic worth – not your worth because you can be helpful to others, but the wonder that is you, body mind and spirit?  How often do you say to yourself ‘Today, I am enough’?

The term has just started.  You’re feeling resilient.  You know things will look different  by the time everyone gets to Christmas. Like runners in a marathon, you have to get through to the finish.  Why not make a pact with someone now?  When they see you hitting that wall which runners hit, get them to promise to ask you ‘are you sure you want to push through this?  Maybe your body is trying to tell you something’.  If your calling is to look after others, then put the oxygen mask on yourself before the plane spirals out of control.

Yours with great respect

Julia

PS Thanks for inspiring me to write this blog.

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Not only are we ‘crazy busy’ as Kevin Kruse says, we’re also bombarded with advice concerning how to combat the ‘crazy’ bit.    One writer after another provides us with top tips to conquer the things that cause us stress.  Often we read and nod, knowing that the advice makes sense.  We may even try it out for a few days, but after a while ‘crazy busy’ takes over and we continue pretty much as we always have.  Why?  Why do we continue to ignore what seems at first glance to be good advice, making our lives more difficult than they might be?

The truth is,  following simple advice is really difficult.

a)      The advice is issued to ‘everyman’ whereas in fact each of us is different and has to find what suits us

b)      If we want to change habits it takes commitment, support and time – in that order.  And it’s much easier to commit if you’re part of a community working to achieve similar outcomes.  If that were not the case organisations like weightwatchers wouldn’t need to exist.

So before taking on board 5 simple strategies, or 10 top tips, or 7 simple steps, ‘take a moment’ (that in itself will be hard for some of us) and decide whether any of them could work for you.  Don’t set yourself up to fail.  Identify what you want to work on, and be aware of your motivation to change.  It may be logical to have only one piece of paper on your desk at a time, but if that’s not the way you usually work, what will you have to give up in order to achieve it and how is your current habit meeting your needs?  Do you want to work this way because ‘it’s the right thing to do’ (who says?) or because you really believe it will add value to your way of working and perhaps allow you to feel more in control of your work.   You need to engage with your goal emotionally as well as intellectually.   How will things be different when you’ve established your new habit?  What will be the rewards, and what will you have to give up?  Is your new commitment to get some exercise every day?  What could get in the way?  Where are you going to find the extra time?  And don’t forget, taking exercise requires energy, so the first step might be to ensure you get enough sleep.  Take some time to track back to understand yourself and how you might hijack yourself.

Take one step at a time, keep checking your progress, celebrate your successes (by which I mean notice, and congratulate yourself) and share your goal with someone else who has your best interests at heart and can help you to stay motivated.  Most of all, accept that it will take time, proper encouragement, and self-compassion.

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As a leader, you never finish the job.  Sometimes events overtake you, and you need to work into the small hours.  The point of growing resilience is that you have something in reserve for those times.  But getting insufficient sleep can become a habit.  If you work in a culture that demands you always put others first, you can add to ‘leaving things undone’ a sense of guilt which will also diminish your energy.

We understand about having our cars serviced regularly.  How many of us take the same approach to taking care of our bodies?  The importance of paying attention to our own wellbeing has never been more evident. Growing neuroscience is helping us to understand the connection between wellbeing and resilience. Reading Neuroscience for Coaches* has proved to be a great start for me:

The brain is an incredibly complex web of inter-related structures and systems, some of which are responsible for our automatic functions (like breathing, sleeping, etc), some responsible for functions which we learn, but then become automatic, and some (notably those located in the pre-frontal cortex) responsible for higher-order skills of thinking, decision-making, planning, etc.  Knowing more about the way the brain functions can help us to make decisions about our behaviour which support its effective functioning.

The pre-frontal cortex (PFC) is responsible for executive functions: our ability to plan, to make appropriate decisions, to align thoughts and actions with internal goals and for expressing personality. The PFC doesn’t perform well under stress. Stress can have a dramatic negative effect on our ability to function, e.g. problem solving, being creative and holding things in our short-term memory. The PFC is energy-hungry and gets drained quickly. A bit like the rechargeable battery in your camera when the flash is used, a burst of energy demands recovery time. Stress impairs its ability to use energy.  How much time do you take to recharge your batteries?

When the PFC isn’t working normally, it can lead to us feeling lethargic, uninspired, and overly emotional. We become easily distracted, don’t finish things, become forgetful and may fixate on negative thoughts. It’s easy to see how we can get into a downward spiral when the PFC isn’t working optimally.  When working well, it functions to allow us to focus and pay attention, to plan, and carry things through. The PFC functions best when it is focusing on one thing at a time. Multi-tasking reduces its effectiveness. For optimal achievement, intersperse difficult tasks with easier ones, to help your sense of achievement and allow the PFC to ‘re-charge’.

Neurons are part of the brain’s wiring system. Messages are carried from one neuron to another by neurotransmitters (chemicals in the brain) which communicate across ‘synaptic gaps’. A bit like two people passing a ball between them, they might start slowly, and occasionally drop it, but as they practise, they get faster and faster. In the same way, neural pathways are built by repeating patterns of behaviour.

Cortisol is probably one of the best known chemicals in the brain, because of its association with stress. It is actually a hormone, which is secreted by the adrenal glands and its level increases when we perceive ourselves to be under threat. Its function includes blood pressure regulation, blood sugar level regulation, and it affects the immune function and glucose metabolism. It is implicated in eustress (short-term stress which give us the edge and gets us ready to take action) and distress, which comes from prolonged heightened levels of cortisol, leading to lower immunity, higher blood pressure and increased abdominal fat. Caffeine and sleep deprivation both increase cortisol levels; so if you drink coffee to keep yourself awake, you’re helping to increase cortisol levels twice over.   Physical activity can lower cortisol levels as can social connectivity, laughter, and listening to music.

Oxytocin might be seen as the ‘antidote’ to cortisol in that it reduces blood pressure and cortisol. It is released from the pituitary gland. It has an anti-anxiety affect and has been associated with stimulating positive social interaction, and increasing trust. It suppresses the activity of the amygdala (the brain’s alarm system). It is released through connecting with other people (in the virtual or real world). It is believed that oxytocin helps the processes of learning and memory specifically for social information. Release oxytocin by shaking hands for 6 seconds, or giving someone a hug! It’ll improve your own oxytocin and that of the other person, (as long as you have their permission!)

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter involved in how we think, feelings of motivation, reward, attention and our behaviour. When we get a pleasant surprise dopamine neurons in one part of the brain are activated. When something bad happens dopamine neurons in another part of the brain are activated. Increased dopamine leads to prioritising instant gratification rather than longer-term benefits. ‘Treats’ as a reward, for example, for hard work or a goal achieved, can lead to increased dopamine.  A glass of wine as a reward for getting through a stressful week?  Well, just the one, then.  As we become more used to the pleasure these treats provide, we need more to get the same level of dopamine release. Exercise increases blood calcium levels, which stimulates dopamine production and uptake.

Adrenaline is a neurotransmitter and is activated as part of our emotional response to things. It is most readily observed in response to fear. It acts on nearly every tissue in the body. It regulates heart rate, blood vessel and air passage diameters and in the liver breaking down glycogen to make more glucose to release a burst of energy. It features in fixing of long-term memory of stressful events.  In evolutionary terms, you can see how that might be helpful in keeping us safe.  Being chased by a wild animal is pretty stressful, and if you remember it, you’re unlikely to put yourself in that position again.  If we never ‘come down’ from the adrenaline high, our health may suffer.  While memories of negative events stick like velcro, memories of pleasurable act like teflon.  They don’t fix themselves in our memories in the same way (why should they?  They don’t keep us safe).  Focus on pleasurable events or their memory for 20 seconds in order to store and come back to them and to increase seratonin levels.

Serotonin – a neurotransmitter which links to feelings of happiness. It’s important in mood regulation, appetite, sleep regulation and circadian rhythms, memory and learning. It is made from tryptophan (found in the diet in bananas, dates, yoghurt, milk, chocolate, sesame, sunflower & pumpkins seeds and poultry). Alcohol decreases levels of tryptophan. An average amount of alcohol leads to a decrease in tryptophan of about 25%, which leads to similar reduction in serotonin. Serotonin levels can be raised by getting enough sleep; calling to mind a happy event (similarly, calling to mind a negative event can reduce serotonin levels). Being conscious of your thoughts, such as in the practice of mindfulness meditation, can help you to systematise them and get your biochemistry to a place where you have a greater sense of wellbeing. Exercise has been shown to be important in serotonin production and release. Low serotonin levels make it harder to achieve goals or delay gratification. If you focus on times when goals have been achieved, that in itself will raise levels of serotonin.

There are many experiments which reveal the impact that human beings can have on changing the way their own brains are wired.   However often you have your car serviced, you’ll never turn it from a Lada to a BMW.  You can improve your model of leadership by servicing your brain regularly.

*Most of this information comes from Neuroscience for Coaches, Brann A, 2015, London, Kogan Page.  I have summarised it here primarily for the Chrysalis Developing Emotional Resilience for Leadership programme.  It is intended to raise awareness and prompt discussion and thus simplifies some of the detail of the scientific facts.

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So we agreed, and suddenly, here we are, in the City of a Thousand Welcomes. How could I have known it would be so special?

I’d never been to Dublin and we agreed to spend a couple of extra days so that we could enjoy the city. After only a small panic the night before the 8.30 Aer Aran flight (the UK is apparently part of Eire as far as luggage restrictions go) we escaped conspiratorially in the early morning, before the world was awake. I didn’t know my friend is phobic about flying, so I hadn’t realised quite what I was asking. With the help of modern science (the toy plane that really flew and the Diazapan) and my almost non-stop whittering, we reached Dublin without mishap in time for late breakfast.

And here we are. Dublin. The home of so much culture. The air shuttle coach from Dublin airport sets us down right outside Trinity College, which will be our home for the next 4 days. As we walk through the gate in the morning a glittering sea of tourists is ebbing and flowing through the entrance. A friendly Irish voice invites us to join the tour of the College, including the book of Kells, hardly practical while dragging suitcases, but an exciting prospect for later in the week.

At the accommodation office the young man (surely a student ?) seems genuinely pleased to be able to tell us that our rooms are clean so we can check in. He hands us the check-in pack and explains … He listens carefully to our questions and though he can’t immediately tell us the best place to get a late breakfast, he promises to continue to give it consideration as he guides us through the paved and cobbled courtyards to house 49. He’s as good as his word ‘Bewleys’ he says. ‘That’s a good place to go for breakfast. It’s just down the road in Grafton Street. You can’t miss it.’ And he gives us directions. ‘What’s the conference about?’ he asks with genuine interest. ‘It’s the European Mentoring and Coaching Council conference’, says my companion. ‘And it’s a research conference – so about research surrounding mentoring and coaching’. ‘That sounds interesting’ he says – as though he means it. ‘We hope so. At least we’re running a session so we hope that will be’. ‘What’s it on?’ he asks politely. ‘Developing emotional resilience for leadership’ I answer, wondering if that sounds far too pompous. ‘Within education’ adds my friend. He continues to ponder. ‘It’s about how leaders manage to remain resilient even when things get tough’, I volunteer. Negotiating the downward steps in front of us, still showing the way ‘so what would be an example of that?’ ‘Well,’ I explain, ‘supposing you had to make half your workforce redundant for financial reasons and they’d worked with you for a long time and been very loyal to you – that would be a hard thing to do. It would test your emotional resilience.’ We continue walking in the sunshine. There’s a long pause and I wonder whether he’s decided it’s not worth engaging in conversation further. But no – ‘whose decision would that be?’ he asks. ‘Ultimately the leader of the organisation’. He seems a bit puzzled. Maybe inexperience suggests to him that leaders can opt out of what makes them uncomfortable. Then ‘what do you need to do, then, to be emotionally resilient?’ ‘The first step is to look after yourself’, I say. ‘That’s a view I keep hearing’, he says ‘But it’s not quite that simple’, I add. And it’s not.

But that’s for tomorrow. Today, we are enjoying the city. Excellent coffee and scones at Bewleys, a fascinating gracious building with tea dance décor, sculptures (we learn) by the owner and sweeping wooden staircase to tables upstairs. Someone has recommended the open top bus tour. They were right. City Tours hop-on hop-off bus does us proud. Sitting high up in the sunshine listening to the commentary (also available on headphones) we are drawn to the heart of the city. I begin to understand how it inspired so many artists. Passing the top of Gresham Street, slight traffic delay allows us time to see the large crowd which has gathered to watch a fire-eater on stilts. Alongside and across the River Liffey, through Georgian Dublin, where my eyes are drawn to a sign for the Little Museum of Dublin. We resolve to do the whole tour and then decide where we will take time to walk. The buildings are jaw-droppingly beautiful. How, in our ignorance, could we have imagined that the Post Office, home of the Easter uprising of 1916, was such a monument to neo-classical architecture?

We decide to walk through the Georgian quarter and seek out the museum which caught our eye on the tour. It’s not as straightforward as we imagined. It’s hard to keep in your head the route of a bus tour in an unfamiliar city. We know the approximate area, but even the off-duty drivers of the bus tours are stumped as we move from one group to another, asking for directions. Finally, one checks out the bus route and makes a suggestion. It leads us to our destiny – in more ways than one. We arrive at The Little Museum of Dublin in St Stephen’s Green with only 30 minutes to closing time. Today – Wednesday afternoon – it’s free to enter. It is the place we have been unconsciously searching for since we arrived. As we follow Ireland’s history it draws us up the stairs where our attention is arrested by the gentle music of the Irish lilt: ‘My mother always said I could talk for Ireland, and now I’m doing it!’ From a back room we hear a commentary .. ‘do come and join us’ says Trevor, interrupting his oration to the group of 15 or so visitors. ‘Does anyone know who this is?’ he says, pointing to a photograph. ‘Charlie Haughey’ responds a voice. ‘And for the benefit of our visitors, would you like to tell us who Charlie Haughey was?’…

Photographs and artefacts, contributed by the people of Dublin, connect us with Sinead O’Connor, the Lockhards, (you’ll have to visit to find out their story) and the journey from colonialism to independence. My companion picks out a picture of the Irish writer Colm Tóibín and my education continues. Upstairs, we are treated to an exhibition of photographs by Brendan Walsh capturing the heart of the city. One that haunts me is the black-and-white image of a group of pre-pubescent boys seeking an adrenalin rush, leaping from one narrow ledge of a high building to another. Some wait their turn; some have already made it. One is caught in mid-flight, arms outstretched, hands straining for the opposite ledge, caught in a moment in time perhaps symbolic of Ireland’s own struggle to move from colonialism to independence. Will he make it or plunge to his death? I leave feeling anxious about the boy, praying that he did indeed reach his destination.

Tomorrow the conference gets underway. We will focus again on sharing the research into emotional resilience for school leadership. I remember the conversation with the young man who took us to our rooms at Trinity College. ‘It’s important to look after your own wellbeing, and connect with what feels nourishing and meaningful’ I’ve said. First step? You could hardly do better than to book a trip to Dublin with a good friend.

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