How many of us make a point of noting the good things that happen daily?  Often we dwell on the mistakes we’ve made,  the challenging conversations, or the difficult encounters.   No wonder we can sometimes feel as though the job is tough and we’re never enough.  We hang on to bad memories much more easily than good ones, because in evolutionary terms they were there to ensure our survival.   Memories of things which threaten our survival help us to avoid putting ourselves in harm’s way in the future (which, incidentally, is why it’s hard to approach with an open mind someone who has caused us hurt in the past).  Fear kept our ancestors safe.

One of the things that undermines our resilience is the sense of powerlessness: that we can’t affect what’s going on around us.  Here’s my challenge for #MemoryMarch: every day write down something positive that happened today which you had a hand in: a student who thanked you; a light-bulb moment for a child in your class; a grateful parent; a difficult meeting handled well.

At the end of the week review your list and remind yourself that every day, you make a difference.

The post #MemoryMarch first appeared on Chrysalis Leadership Development.

So we agreed, and suddenly, here we are, in the City of a Thousand Welcomes. How could I have known it would be so special?

I’d never been to Dublin and we agreed to spend a couple of extra days so that we could enjoy the city. After only a small panic the night before the 8.30 Aer Aran flight (the UK is apparently part of Eire as far as luggage restrictions go) we escaped conspiratorially in the early morning, before the world was awake. I didn’t know my friend is phobic about flying, so I hadn’t realised quite what I was asking. With the help of modern science (the toy plane that really flew and the Diazapan) and my almost non-stop whittering, we reached Dublin without mishap in time for late breakfast.

And here we are. Dublin. The home of so much culture. The air shuttle coach from Dublin airport sets us down right outside Trinity College, which will be our home for the next 4 days. As we walk through the gate in the morning a glittering sea of tourists is ebbing and flowing through the entrance. A friendly Irish voice invites us to join the tour of the College, including the book of Kells, hardly practical while dragging suitcases, but an exciting prospect for later in the week.

At the accommodation office the young man (surely a student ?) seems genuinely pleased to be able to tell us that our rooms are clean so we can check in. He hands us the check-in pack and explains … He listens carefully to our questions and though he can’t immediately tell us the best place to get a late breakfast, he promises to continue to give it consideration as he guides us through the paved and cobbled courtyards to house 49. He’s as good as his word ‘Bewleys’ he says. ‘That’s a good place to go for breakfast. It’s just down the road in Grafton Street. You can’t miss it.’ And he gives us directions. ‘What’s the conference about?’ he asks with genuine interest. ‘It’s the European Mentoring and Coaching Council conference’, says my companion. ‘And it’s a research conference – so about research surrounding mentoring and coaching’. ‘That sounds interesting’ he says – as though he means it. ‘We hope so. At least we’re running a session so we hope that will be’. ‘What’s it on?’ he asks politely. ‘Developing emotional resilience for leadership’ I answer, wondering if that sounds far too pompous. ‘Within education’ adds my friend. He continues to ponder. ‘It’s about how leaders manage to remain resilient even when things get tough’, I volunteer. Negotiating the downward steps in front of us, still showing the way ‘so what would be an example of that?’ ‘Well,’ I explain, ‘supposing you had to make half your workforce redundant for financial reasons and they’d worked with you for a long time and been very loyal to you – that would be a hard thing to do. It would test your emotional resilience.’ We continue walking in the sunshine. There’s a long pause and I wonder whether he’s decided it’s not worth engaging in conversation further. But no – ‘whose decision would that be?’ he asks. ‘Ultimately the leader of the organisation’. He seems a bit puzzled. Maybe inexperience suggests to him that leaders can opt out of what makes them uncomfortable. Then ‘what do you need to do, then, to be emotionally resilient?’ ‘The first step is to look after yourself’, I say. ‘That’s a view I keep hearing’, he says ‘But it’s not quite that simple’, I add. And it’s not.

But that’s for tomorrow. Today, we are enjoying the city. Excellent coffee and scones at Bewleys, a fascinating gracious building with tea dance décor, sculptures (we learn) by the owner and sweeping wooden staircase to tables upstairs. Someone has recommended the open top bus tour. They were right. City Tours hop-on hop-off bus does us proud. Sitting high up in the sunshine listening to the commentary (also available on headphones) we are drawn to the heart of the city. I begin to understand how it inspired so many artists. Passing the top of Gresham Street, slight traffic delay allows us time to see the large crowd which has gathered to watch a fire-eater on stilts. Alongside and across the River Liffey, through Georgian Dublin, where my eyes are drawn to a sign for the Little Museum of Dublin. We resolve to do the whole tour and then decide where we will take time to walk. The buildings are jaw-droppingly beautiful. How, in our ignorance, could we have imagined that the Post Office, home of the Easter uprising of 1916, was such a monument to neo-classical architecture?

We decide to walk through the Georgian quarter and seek out the museum which caught our eye on the tour. It’s not as straightforward as we imagined. It’s hard to keep in your head the route of a bus tour in an unfamiliar city. We know the approximate area, but even the off-duty drivers of the bus tours are stumped as we move from one group to another, asking for directions. Finally, one checks out the bus route and makes a suggestion. It leads us to our destiny – in more ways than one. We arrive at The Little Museum of Dublin in St Stephen’s Green with only 30 minutes to closing time. Today – Wednesday afternoon – it’s free to enter. It is the place we have been unconsciously searching for since we arrived. As we follow Ireland’s history it draws us up the stairs where our attention is arrested by the gentle music of the Irish lilt: ‘My mother always said I could talk for Ireland, and now I’m doing it!’ From a back room we hear a commentary .. ‘do come and join us’ says Trevor, interrupting his oration to the group of 15 or so visitors. ‘Does anyone know who this is?’ he says, pointing to a photograph. ‘Charlie Haughey’ responds a voice. ‘And for the benefit of our visitors, would you like to tell us who Charlie Haughey was?’…

Photographs and artefacts, contributed by the people of Dublin, connect us with Sinead O’Connor, the Lockhards, (you’ll have to visit to find out their story) and the journey from colonialism to independence. My companion picks out a picture of the Irish writer Colm Tóibín and my education continues. Upstairs, we are treated to an exhibition of photographs by Brendan Walsh capturing the heart of the city. One that haunts me is the black-and-white image of a group of pre-pubescent boys seeking an adrenalin rush, leaping from one narrow ledge of a high building to another. Some wait their turn; some have already made it. One is caught in mid-flight, arms outstretched, hands straining for the opposite ledge, caught in a moment in time perhaps symbolic of Ireland’s own struggle to move from colonialism to independence. Will he make it or plunge to his death? I leave feeling anxious about the boy, praying that he did indeed reach his destination.

Tomorrow the conference gets underway. We will focus again on sharing the research into emotional resilience for school leadership. I remember the conversation with the young man who took us to our rooms at Trinity College. ‘It’s important to look after your own wellbeing, and connect with what feels nourishing and meaningful’ I’ve said. First step? You could hardly do better than to book a trip to Dublin with a good friend.

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I was around when Ofsted was invented

I gave up Ofsted inspections in 2000 to focus on something where I felt I could make a difference in the longer term.  Now I support headteachers through coaching and helping them to develop resilience to deal with the stresses of the job. We’re told that ‘good leaders will allow teachers to identify and celebrate what their strengths are’.   In my experience, too many good leaders forget to celebrate their own.    It’s as though there’s a silent conspiracy amongst school leaders: it’s not okay to take care of yourself as a leader, you have to be looking after everyone else.  Leaders absorb all the projections and insecurities of those around them – including a government and press who want to blame schools for all society’s ills. Resilient leaders know it’s important to take care of themselves – to put on their own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs.  When you’ve spent months climbing the mountain, are near the top, and the oxygen supply is thin, it’s easy to hallucinate and imagine you can manage by simply holding your breath.

Correspondence in the TES (8th March, 2013) suggests that the only organisation to be surprised that Ofsted inspections are data led is Ofsted.  As a school governor, Mr Wilshaw, I know that data is important; I also know that the latest dashboard doesn’t tell the whole story.   There can be no excuse for a school which fails its students – but there can be lots of reasons – many of them outside the school’s immediate control. A system is only as compassionate as those who implement it.  Staff in good schools understand the reasons for students’ under-achievement and consistently support them to improve.  We know that the climate created by the leader has a significant impact on the way staff perform.  Should we be surprised that compassion is largely missing from the inspection system?

The post Ofsted – requiring improvement first appeared on Chrysalis Leadership Development.

That got me thinking. How often do we as leaders miss the obvious cost-effective solution? This week I’ve been looking again at my research on emotional resilience for school leadership. Why emotional resilience? Because managing our emotions is ultimately what allows us to continue without being overwhelmed.

So is emotional resilience something leaders are born with? Does it develop over time? Can it be learned? The answer to all these questions is ‘yes’. One of the headteachers I interviewed talked about having ‘a lucky personality’. There were very few situations in which she’d felt she really couldn’t think of a way out. All interviewees felt that their emotional resilience had developed over time just by doing the job. Are we happy to leave it to chance, or can we pro-actively develop emotional resilience for leadership?

It is possible to learn to be more emotionally resilient and there are ways of behaving and thinking which will help. The difficulty is that many headteachers instinctively put their own needs at the bottom of the list. Even those who know about Stephen Covey’s time management guidance and dealing with the conflicting demands of what’s important and what’s urgent, don’t see their own needs as sufficiently significant to prioritise them. Research suggests that ways of feeding headteachers’ emotional resilience include

• Taking exercise
• Eating a healthy diet: drinking lots of water and alcohol in moderation
• Getting enough sleep
• Networking with other headteachers
• Recognising and celebrating what’s going well
• Recognising that some things are outside my influence
• Re-connecting with what gives me a buzz
• Having regular coaching to ensure the above
• Accepting that sometimes ‘good enough’ has to be good enough

Of course you know all this, but when the pressure’s on, other things seem more important. You miss the obvious: that you can deal with life’s pressures more effectively if you’re feeling more emotionally resilient.
What’s really required to facilitate all the above is deep self-awareness and a belief that it is okay to prioritise your own needs. That’s tricky.

If you’re deeply self aware, you will know why you find it difficult to put yourself first; you’ll listen to and heed your body’s warning signals; you’ll challenge unhelpful patterns of thinking; you’ll recognise that you have a choice concerning whether to absorb others’ stress; you’ll resist colluding with the expectation that you are superman/woman.
and you’ll show compassion for yourself.

Given the climate of high expectations, high public accountability and lack of compassion shown by the press or the government, that’s going to be difficult. But it is possible.

Make a start today – and by the way, it’s okay to ask for help.

The post Supporting emotional resilience first appeared on Chrysalis Leadership Development.