I guess it helped that it was my second session working with the teachers at Bishop Henderson Church of England Primary School.  They were open and honest and working with them was a joy.  I was reminded again that, although every context is different, there are many common themes concerning what gets in the way of teachers looking after themselves. It’s always a challenge to speak openly about what we may regard as our own inadequacies when the boss is in the room, but I was very pleased that Ed (the boss) was there too, making copious notes and modelling that whatever the position in school, everyone has something to learn. He was quiet for most of the session. As often happens, we got on to the subject of choosing how we respond to situations. I stated my position: ‘no one can make you do anything’; I sensed unease in the room. Inviting a challenge, I was told ‘Ed can make us do things’. With a smile and a look of genuine surprise he responded ‘Can I?’ as though someone had just revealed to him magical powers of which he was previously unaware.

At the end of the session, it became apparent how closely he had listened to his staff’s concerns: to how they found it hard to leave things, even though they know the job is never done; how hard it is for them to leave ‘early’ (defined by them as anything over an hour-and-a-half after the end of the school day) because of feelings of guilt; how difficult it is to spend less time marking even when being encouraged to do so by the SLT; how hard it is to say ‘no’, look after yourself and ask for help. At the end of the session, he summarised the learning with 10 Ls of wellbeing. They were unique to that session and that school, yet also highlight a number of experiences which are common to all schools I work with. I share them with you with his blessing.

Ten Ls of Wellbeing – for teachers everywhere

Learn to live with the undone (after all the job will never be finished)
Live and let live (support each other in work and well-being, ‘Have a great evening!’ rather than ‘Leaving early?’ will be so positive to hear)
Leaving buddies (walking out with a friend may make that ‘early’, end of day, departure easier)
Limiting time for tasks helps to create focus (we can achieve more in less time, leading to more time to do less – or different)
Lists (help us when we can prioritise the content and act on it, including the dull things we may choose to avoid)
Let’s say ‘No!’ (sometimes we have to be sensible with what we take-on for others)
Learn something new (maybe a skill, maybe about yourself, maybe to do something differently)
Look for support (before you need it, because it will help you and it can encourage and empower others too)
Look after yourself (because you are worth it and others will benefit)
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, the fruit of the Spirit – our values – let’s live them.

Changing the habits of a lifetime is tough and we will often fail. With support from those around us (and especially leaders who model behaviour they want to see in others) we can change the culture where working hard and working long are regarded as synonymous.

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Not only are we ‘crazy busy’ as Kevin Kruse says, we’re also bombarded with advice concerning how to combat the ‘crazy’ bit.    One writer after another provides us with top tips to conquer the things that cause us stress.  Often we read and nod, knowing that the advice makes sense.  We may even try it out for a few days, but after a while ‘crazy busy’ takes over and we continue pretty much as we always have.  Why?  Why do we continue to ignore what seems at first glance to be good advice, making our lives more difficult than they might be?

The truth is,  following simple advice is really difficult.

a)      The advice is issued to ‘everyman’ whereas in fact each of us is different and has to find what suits us

b)      If we want to change habits it takes commitment, support and time – in that order.  And it’s much easier to commit if you’re part of a community working to achieve similar outcomes.  If that were not the case organisations like weightwatchers wouldn’t need to exist.

So before taking on board 5 simple strategies, or 10 top tips, or 7 simple steps, ‘take a moment’ (that in itself will be hard for some of us) and decide whether any of them could work for you.  Don’t set yourself up to fail.  Identify what you want to work on, and be aware of your motivation to change.  It may be logical to have only one piece of paper on your desk at a time, but if that’s not the way you usually work, what will you have to give up in order to achieve it and how is your current habit meeting your needs?  Do you want to work this way because ‘it’s the right thing to do’ (who says?) or because you really believe it will add value to your way of working and perhaps allow you to feel more in control of your work.   You need to engage with your goal emotionally as well as intellectually.   How will things be different when you’ve established your new habit?  What will be the rewards, and what will you have to give up?  Is your new commitment to get some exercise every day?  What could get in the way?  Where are you going to find the extra time?  And don’t forget, taking exercise requires energy, so the first step might be to ensure you get enough sleep.  Take some time to track back to understand yourself and how you might hijack yourself.

Take one step at a time, keep checking your progress, celebrate your successes (by which I mean notice, and congratulate yourself) and share your goal with someone else who has your best interests at heart and can help you to stay motivated.  Most of all, accept that it will take time, proper encouragement, and self-compassion.

The post It isn’t easy to follow simple advice first appeared on Chrysalis Leadership Development.